The Daily Chuckle

Guide to Drink Orders:

Nothing impresses the lads and ladies at the local watering hole more than a classy drink order like they may have seen on the television or a rich person’s T-shirt. Here are some drink orders that are sure to impress the publodytes the next time you’re on the town:

Straight Up: This classy order tells the bartender you aren’t kidding around. You want your drink served in a glass that’s pointing straight up. None of this almost-upside-down junk. Just remember: perpendicular to the bar—you’re drinkin' like a star.

Neat: This means you want the drink you ordered not to be boring, but neat. The bartender will usually add a pint of fruit juice and a copy of Reader's Digest to drinks ordered this way.

On the Rocks: This drink is for tough guys or gals who want the bartender to argue with them about their drink order as if they are in an on-the-rocks marriage. People do this mostly to practice fighting or pretend they aren’t alone.

Shaken, Not Stirred: This is a great drink order for when you want to embarrass everyone you are with.
Dirty: You want your drink to be a fancy old bottle of wine from the dusty, dirty wine cellar. Enjoy the wine, millionaire.

Apathy.

I hate the up and down so so much! What scares me the most now is that I have gotten so worn out from the up and down that I have felt myself lately slipping into apathy. I have never been apathetic about ANYTHING lol. I feel like the ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude that made me fritter away a lot of junior/senior year of college is trickling into my whole life now. I can’t figure out a direction to motivate myself towards. Everything is so hard. Daily stuff is monotonous yet frustrating and infuriating beyond belief, I work a job that is an utter joke with no compensation for the daily crap that goes with it and I feel like I am spinning my wheels. Except I still keep getting older every day and my life is being lived while I watch it happen… all while being incredibly dissatisfied. Which is terrifying and disconcerting and discouraging all at once. And then recently it is like I suddenly decided in order to cope, I need to just quit overanalyzing everything. And just kind of float along. Not care about the things that happen around me because they are all disheartening and not going in the direction that I want. But I know that isn’t the way I will ever be happy living. Maybe someone else would, but I truly cannot do that. And I agree that everything is a choice. But maybe happiness is a choice in as much as you choose to seek it. I am start to think that you cannot, no matter how totally and devotedly you want it, will the happiness to exist in your life. Is that pessimistic of me? Just like you can choose to love someone, but you cannot will yourself to actually feel the love some days. Because isn’t happiness a feeling (if an intellectual type) more or less in a way? I don’t know…I ramble J The result of stumbling into work at 6:30 this morning to push not one, not two, not three, but FOUR different group’s breakfasts around 7 different floors this morning. Oh yeah, I am invaluable!

simple and true.

Haven't been quite this happy...

So, I realized I haven't been this happy in quite some time. Every time about this time of year I get in a really good mood. And I think a lot of it has to do with the holidays and people in general are in good moods. But this time it's different. Last year I was starting to talk to Adam and doing the whole Catholic Match thing and everything seemed like it was falling into place. Low and behold a few months later the rug was ripped out from under me - as it almost inevitably is. And it was that time again to pull myself up by the boot straps and get my little butt in gear... again. I was thinking alot about this time last year as I was trying to fall asleep last night and as always the general consensus was - "WOW! Time flies and I've come so far!"

As all of my friends - and even closer friends now - are arriving at these pivotal life moments I feel like I'm in either a vortex, where things seem crazy but ultimately they're only going in circles or completely sedentary and things go nowhere. But I started to enumerate all of the things that happened last year. Surprisingly, I've been through a lot more and better still gotten through a lot more than I had ever realized.

The difference between my happiness then and my happiness now is that it's completely up to me. I'm relying on nobody or nothing to be happy. I'm still learning it, but I'm at the point where I can step back, reassess and move on. I don't need a boy, a job, a car, an apt, to make me happy. As long as I stay happy those things will fall into place. And if you lose one, I/me/myself am in the position to move on. Granted everything's going smoothly at the moment and it's easy to say this. But better to remind myself now then having to tell myself when life gets shitty.

The only thing that's been constant through all of it is your friendship. Not to sound Thanksgiving corny - but I'm super blessed to have friends like you! Love you guys! Happy day before Thanksgiving!

.... perplexing....

who calls someone while they are on vacation, telling them not to fall in love at a wedding, texts them while they are working out to tell them they are stunning even when working hard, is super spontaneous and tells them to pull the car over in the parking lot just so they can give them another goodbye kiss.. then all of a sudden...

crickets... not a sound...

back pain is a sorry excuse. no answer of texts all weekend.. a delayed phone call on Sunday night is all.

people who are direct, forthright, and transparent are few and far between!!!

then again.. maybe he just looked at my Facebook somehow, and saw what groups i 'like'. Oh the conservative political think tanks and Catholic oriented groups might have threw the boy a curve. Who knows.

im your DJ.

Okay ladies. Dont forget to check in on Fridays and will give you a song to start your weekend with..

This one will start the string. It will either make you wana pop bottles...
.... or terrify you of raising teenage girls. Or both..

I finally figured out how to make a link...

Kreayshawn - Gucci Gucci

Dibs on this gem!

To quote Maryanne...I just peed.

WANTED: Holiday Girlfriend-28 (mission district)

---

Let me be clear. I want a girlfriend. But, I don't really want a girlfriend.

I just want one for the holidays.

Let's recognize something. The holidays suck, especially for us single people. All of your coupled friends are going to be doing couple things: snuggling by the fire, going to dinner at each others' parents houses, blahblahbarf.

Let's recognize another thing. Deep down inside, you don't want to be alone for the holidays. You want someone to do all of those cute snuggly things with, someone to get fat and keep warm next to (let's also recognize that it's getting fucking cold here), and someone to accompany you to your friends' coupley holiday parties so they don't keep thinking you're a loser destined for permanent solo status.

But, you've spent all year working on your career / training for charity bike rides / getting drunk and haven't had the time or inclination to track down and capture a boyfriend. And even if you did, you're not really sure you'd want to keep him after the holidays are over, anyway.

The solution:
Be my girlfriend for the holidays. And only for the holidays.

How it works:
You reply with a picture and a brief bio (250 words max. To give you an idea, this posting is 499). If it seems like a good fit we'll set up a casual mini-date (coffee, beer, or whatever). If that's a success and we're both feeling it, we'll date until 11:59PM, January 2nd, 2012. After that we can still be friends (unless we hate each other, then we can downshift to the occasional drunken booty call).

The benefits:
• You have someone to keep you company on these witch-tit-cold San Francisco nights. Did I mention I'm an excellent cuddler? (I have references.)
• I like to cook. Especially for others. Nothing too fancy, but always tasty and satisfying. As long as you're an omnivore, you win.
• Having done it professionally for some years to pay for school, I know my way around a bar. Same goes for wine cellars and beer coolers. Homemade winter warmers? Done.
• Hate holiday music? Me too. Seeing as every other establishment or event you step into will be playing it, I'll spare you the excess.
• Love taking photos? Sweet. Let's wear gaudy holiday attire and make ridiculous Xmas postcards to send your friends and family. Just for the lulz.
• Worried about finding someone to kiss on New Year's Eve who doesn't look (or sound) like Sloth's cousin? Boom! Got you covered.

About Me:
28 years old, small business owner, active (cyclist, surfer, snowboarder), outgoing, easy on the eyes.
Not About You (aka Dealbreakers or, Don't Bother if You Exhibit the Following):
Heavy drug use, laziness, prudishness, still in love with old boy or girlfriend from years past (or if you secretly are, at least have the damn decency to not blab on about it).

Interested? Then send your pic and bio and get this ball rolling.

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 2703020265

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Developments..

Taking the advice from "Ryan", the guy next to me on the plane, i'm going to start being more assertive with people. Joey is a good place to start. I told him I wanted to see him when I landed. He had some sob story as to why he couldn't see me, that I didn't buy. I love brutal honesty and see straight through people beating around bushes. So I was disappointed. I had my glass of wine one the plane, was celebrating the landing in my rainy state, and had to stick to my original, less enthralling plan of my dad picking me up. Joy.

So he calls, apologizes... blah blah blah. I ended that and said 'goodnight' rather quickly, still disappointed, and said i'd see him tomorrow. Why am I generally distrusting the moment someone disappoints me? Anywho - still taking it day by day. He did say one thing during our training session yesterday that was revelatory. He asked about who i saw in Cali, wanted details as to who they were, and i said, "Just friends from college", and he was really inquisitive and stated, "I wana know details, i want to know you..."   so every once in a while I feel like there is something genuine about him that makes me just curious i guess. I'll keep you posted.

Hopefully you will find this as entertaining as I did...

The other night I went out for a Girls Night Out. I promised I'd be home by midnight. "I swear!" Well the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 (Cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "Midnight!" and he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said" We need a new cuckoo clock."

"Why?" I asked nervously.

He said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said "Oh Shit." Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

:)

How I feel when I RUN!!

The world is a beautiful place full of good people where I can dream big dreams and accomplish them...and that I am strong enough to pick up and find new dreams to dream after that.

Sharp and focused, able to block out any distractions or stress.

Completely at peace.

Confident.

As if I am doing something extraordinary like flying and breathing under water.

High on exhileration.

That I can control my body and my actions and weakness has no place in me.

Superlatively happy.

Free and unafraid to make decisions about next steps in my life.

The only other time I feel like this is when I play the piano. As close to what heaven must feel like as I can imagine. And then my body gives out and I am reminded of my own human-ness. And I slowly come down from the high...until next time! :)

If I had a Million Dollars!

(This song has to be played while reading: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHacDYj8KZM )

Sarah would...:

Own a wine bar



Buy a vacation house in Greece

Have an entire symphony play at my wedding



Travel to South America and adopt little bambinos


Open a drug rehab clinic
Quit my job to travel the world and be a mustard and french fry taste tester

Talk about hitting the nail on the head

Read this! It's sooooooooo good. And so poignant to where we all are right now.

It's a few thoughts and reflections on the parable of the talents. I've heard so many interpretations of this parable before and always thought... Really? Are you sure? Don't think so... not quite. To me it always seemed so basic and I think because it is. It's so frustrating when people reach for meaning and try desperately to to draw an analogy. It is what it is. And it's just that simple.

But really y'all will love it! I'm going to go ahead it just copy it here. I hate when you try to follow links and they've changed or been deleted. This one is too good to lose. And I was just reminded that I have to go to a Fire and Safety Meeting for the office building. Oh the joys!

I’ve seen it time and time again. Someone decides to seek a better paying job, or pursue and investment strategy, or launch a new business. Invariably some pious person in the parish objects that maybe this is too worldly, that it will be a distraction from Church and family priorities, that one should be satisfied with what one has.

You’d think from this that faith equals passivity. That the only perfect Christian is the cloistered contemplative. That mildness is the greatest of Christian virtues.

There are a number of Scripture texts that shatter this picture. One is the image of the ideal wife in Proverbs 31. The Blessed Virgin Mary read this passage and, as the most perfect of Israelite wives, most probably modeled herself after the woman portrayed here. Does the Proverbs 31 woman sit around passively, praying a lot, and wearing beige? No. The first few verses of the chapter poetically tell how she is more valuable than pearls, a true prize. The rest of the passage tell us why she is such a catch–she knows how to roll up her sleeves and hustle. The passage tells of her side business ventures that increase the family’s wealth, which she shares with the poor. Of course if she hadn’t worked so shrewdly and diligently, there would not be anything to share with the poor.

Another Scripture that shatters the picture of Christianity as passivity is the famous parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30). Note that it is money (yes money!) that the master entrusts to his various servants, different amounts according to varying abilities. Two servants realize that the master wants a return on his capital, so they invest it and each double it. The master does not expect to get the same sum back from these two because they started with different amounts. But they both received the exact same praise because they both gave him a hundred per cent return.

The servant of least ability, on the other hand, buried the money for fear of losing it. Instead of praising him for being conservative, the master is outraged. If you entrusted your retirement nest egg to a stockbroker, and years later it had not grown at all, would you be happy?

The master was angry because the servant had allowed fear to paralyze him. So afraid was he of losing money that he did not even take the very modest risk of depositing the money in the bank (there was no FDIC insurance in those days).

The Lord has entrusted lots of things to us: money, natural talents, spiritual gifts, the saving truth of the Gospel. He expects us not just to conserve these things but to grow them. In the last supper discourse (John 15) he speaks of the disciples as bearing much fruit. In the Parable of the Sower and the Seed he speaks of grain that bear 30, 60, and 100 fold. Whatever labor we are involved in–economic, family, apostolic–the goal should be to develop, increase, and grow what God has given us, for his honor and glory.

This inevitably involves taking risks. It means not letting the fear of failure and ridicule stop us from pursuing success.

One of the greatest Catholic thinkers of the 20^th century was a Swiss priest named Hans Urs von Balthasar. He once pointed out that one of the most frequently used words in the book of Acts was the Greek word parrhesia, meaning cheerful boldness in the face of danger or opposition. Without such boldness, Christianity would have stalled in Palestine. It never would have made it to Antioch, Greece, and Rome.

Faithfulness to God means having the courage to take bold initiatives, in pastoral life, family life, and business, to be creative, even entrepreneurial, to express our gratitude to God for all that He has given us by making it grow.

Tots PMSing

I'm craving this

I feel like this

And I'm acting like this. (You could also say I look like this too...! That chin is a spitting image)

If I ran the zoo

Ladies. I think I have mentioned this before but... I want a restart button so that I can go back and be all the different things that I think are so fascinating and awesome. The thing that bothers me the most lately is that I feel like I am now in the part of life where each direction or path that I take permanently narrows my options and pigeon-holes me in a way. So I have decided to cope with it by basically refusing to make decisions in the little things. Such as: shopping. I cannot for the life of me make a self-empowered, independant decision regarding something as absurd as (as of yesterday) a shirt. I think I need therapy haha.

 I want to start law school now and be an attorney for like 5 years until that gets boring.

Then go back and go to medical school and do that for, well, maybe 10 years because it takes so long to get there.

And then go back and be a pampered and rich highschool girl who gets everything handed to her on a platter including a bmw and private school all that. I think I would stick to that role long enough to go to a state school and be in a sorority (maybe even like a cheerleader or a president of the sorority...complete with platinum dyed hair of course) and then get engaged with a big ole' ring and have a huge excessive wedding and then be a loved, but true, trophy wife. Ok, so maybe I would live that one out for awhile.

And then I would come back and be a struggling journalism student living in a loft in New York City who ends up through her own grit and determination as an senior editor who makes tons of money and wears Jimmy Choos by the time she is 28.

And then go back to being me right now because at that point I think I would have a pretty good idea of what step I want to take next. Because I would have lived them all, you know.

That is what I would do if I ran the zoo.

Failing to aknowledge..

... that we are often coming from different premises in our arguements, will amount to a lot of chatter with no fruitful end. The hot topic of the definition of marriage is one deconstructed so well in the article below...

What is Marriage? - From the Harvard Journal of Law and Public Policy

And so it begins...

We are friends. We are such good friends. We are friends who talk. We are friends who talk constantly. We are such good friends who talk constantly about life. And all of its idiosyncrasies. And we have each individually talked about starting a blog but never get around to doing it. Sooo, at someone's suggestion (Mare, I think it was yours?) I have decided this day, the 6th of November, to take the initiative and launch our small literary mashup of intellectual philosophizing, hopes, dreams, stress, concern, day-to-day ramblings, inspiration, humor (goods and bads), personality and occasionally hormonal outbursts upon the blogging world. We shall be brilliant!

That is all for now. I have much more to say, but Kelley is here and I want to bond with her. I have an article to post that caught my eye, but more on that tomorrow.

Love you both much :)

MG