Bob Marley was right.

If you would be loved, love and be lovable.
--Benjamin Franklin

We all desire to be loved. Our common human characteristic is our need to count in someone else's life. At least one other person needs us, we tell ourselves, when we feel least able to accept life's demands. How alike we all are. The paradox is that our own need for love is lessened when we bestow it on others. Give it away and it returns. A promise, one we can trust.

The reality about love and its path from sender to receiver and back again is often distant from our minds. More often we stew and become obsessed with the lack of love's evidence in our lives. Why isn't he smiling? Why didn't she care? Has someone more interesting taken our place? Choosing to offer love, rather than to look for it, will influence every experience we have. Life will feel gentler, and the rewards will be many and far reaching.

Loving others promises me the love I desire. But I can't expect it if I don't give it first.

breaking free a bit

I spent a week in Chicago learning about economics, journalism, and a free society. Met policy analysts from DC think tanks, and journalists who both love and hate the city. One writes about religion and being a mother, and another writes about the militarization of the police force and all the unethical "isolated incidents" that somehow turn into them getting praised for their bravery when they should have been fired. 

6-7 hours of lectures each day was like drinking water out of a fire hose. But the most stimulating week of the year! Each night was topped off with a lovely open bar (where i was forced to learn to love beer, yes, I love a couple varieties of beer now) which made for very stimulating conversations, and the hilarious comedians finally came out of their shells too.   

Met a guy who strongly resembles Jonathan Rhys Meyers, is atheist, and has a mind for centuries. Its funny the things that make you feel like family. I always assumed this ensued with individuals who share my faith in the Catholic Church, which is true. But something else does it. The desire for truth. Even if they are at another point in their path, the fiery desire to get to the essence of justice and proper order as individuals and as a society, is totally unifying. I miss them all already. Justin and I made a trip to the beach and laid out one day. We spent three hours in the art museum and saw just about any artist you can name, and multiple pieces by each. I wish i took more pictures.

A small group of us, mostly the people who put on the seminar, went on a river boat cruise narrated by a fellow who knows the ins and outs of the architectural sights along the way. Beautiful. We stumbled off the boat bedazzled on wine, and let Radley (who writes for the Huff post) do what he does best - investigate. But this time for the prime dinner destination. Victory. We landed at the Purple Pig. I was reborn. Pork shoulder, pig tail, and bone marrow. I think i had a serious animal deficit in my diet, because it knocked me off my chair. 

I got back to Seattle and immediately packed up my stuff and moved into a room about 45 minutes north of where I was (and 10 minutes to work), into a friend's home on Mercer Island. I am subletting a room there until I find out where I want to live. I felt like Chicago put that intrepid nature (as Meags calls it :)) back in me and I couldn't take another moment in my parent's home. Something too comfortable about it. The family dynamics and the all too familiar "dont take risks" worldview they live under is anesthetizing.  The house I moved into is not comfortable enough for me to want to stay, so the fire is under my ass a-blazing. 

And I almost didn't even go to Chicago.