Taking the advice from "Ryan", the guy next to me on the plane, i'm going to start being more assertive with people. Joey is a good place to start. I told him I wanted to see him when I landed. He had some sob story as to why he couldn't see me, that I didn't buy. I love brutal honesty and see straight through people beating around bushes. So I was disappointed. I had my glass of wine one the plane, was celebrating the landing in my rainy state, and had to stick to my original, less enthralling plan of my dad picking me up. Joy.
So he calls, apologizes... blah blah blah. I ended that and said 'goodnight' rather quickly, still disappointed, and said i'd see him tomorrow. Why am I generally distrusting the moment someone disappoints me? Anywho - still taking it day by day. He did say one thing during our training session yesterday that was revelatory. He asked about who i saw in Cali, wanted details as to who they were, and i said, "Just friends from college", and he was really inquisitive and stated, "I wana know details, i want to know you..." so every once in a while I feel like there is something genuine about him that makes me just curious i guess. I'll keep you posted.
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ReplyDeleteI'm still trying to figure out what we (girls) should and should not expect. And what we should and should not except as horse poop or legitimate reason. I think - when the time comes so aeons away - I'm not going to "ask" or propose things. That way you can't be disappointed. I've decided that I need to do things for him what I expect him to do for me. Hopefully he'll pickup on it. But it's also important to remember that we all have our own "love language." Some people show it through their actions, some people through their words... I forget what all of them are. But this is all in theory and it's SOOOOO hard in actuality. And when that aeons away time comes I will probably eat my words. Just weigh out the pros and cons. But overall make sure he's a good guy.
ReplyDeleteSarah, i love this.. it reminds me of something i couldnt figure out last night. I had just seen him and he mentioned that he wanted to change one of our appointments and i was pissy about it cuz im still really sore.. and i thought, sheesh! Im being really self centered and all about me, and ya know what God loves him just as much as He loves me - i need to stop being SO critical of people and not expect perfection.
ReplyDeleteYup! It's hard because from your perspective you see it as a good thing because you want what you think will make him happy and you happy and the situation work out perfectly. But ultimately it is selfish and what YOU perceive may not be his perception. The priest in confession last week gave me a penance to go into the church and think about self-sacrificing love. SO HARD! It's easy(ier) in the context of everyday with people at the grocery store or at work but when it comes down to somebody who you have an on-going relationship with it makes you question how you're sacrificing yourself. Are you doing it out of love or are you doing it to make YOU happy? All at the same time you don't want to sacrifice who you are as a person. I remember one of the more serious moments with Mike and he just stopped and looked at me and said "I'm not perfect." And we moved on. Not to dwell on the Mike aspect but that really hit me and it's stuck with me and hopefully will teach me a lesson when somebody does come around - trying to find good from the Mike situation. Haha!
ReplyDeleteYeah.. i still keep thinking of friendship. We should approach relationships with the same disposition; honesty, integrity, keeping your word, forgiving, call them out on their shit, making time for them, and not expecting them to go over the top for you, but going out of your way for them.. I duno.. i guess i've always thought of myself in relationships as more of a princess than i do with my friendships, and that's totally wrong!
ReplyDeleteAnd you thinking of Mike is totally understandable.. i still do that with BKem. We're meant to learn from it and i think its a beautiful thing to have taken risks and walk away with a better understanding of how to be in the next situation.
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